The Evolution of the Tire Jack

Had noticed the other day after being out of town for a bit that one of the tires on my van had gone flat, whether or not it might have been induced by bad driving skills via taking a curb could not be immediately determined. This did not resolve the fact that I would have to find the spare, then figure out some way to swap out the flat. The real bitch here is outside of the fact that the flat was fairly beat up, probably not worth driving on, what really bugged me was the generic sort of ultra small tire jack, made for a compact car but certainly not this multi-ton van. But why not give it a shot, throw on some dirty clothes, get coverd up in grease and tire gunk, then bust a sweat while experiencing waves of frustration ride over me, as the tire jack barely budges the axle a few inches in the air. I gave the jack some benefit, but over the years these stock jacks always bend, never offer enough lift, and take an overt level of brute force to generate any sort of leverage, while the whole time praying that jack itself does not crush under the weight of the car. It can be a time of peril, holding my breath, thinking, just let me get this tire off and the other on. I display the elegance and dexterity of the best nueral surgeon, enough to make any Nascar pit crew proud, yet still this whole thing with these subnormal tire jacks kept reoccuring in my life, guess I like to take curbs, possibly under the influence, still go through the whole ritual, seems to happen a lot during the summer, sit out there when it's 125 degrees on the asphalt, burning my skin, melting my clothes, complaining, becoming angry, looking for someone to deflect upon, nothing left to do but get pissed and complete the task.

Though today I got the great idea of buying a real jack, the ones you see at a tire or repair shop, they weigh about 45lbs. tough get around, but about the same price as calling a tow truck, why not try something else, wander over to Sears, look around, they vary in price from 300 to 60 bucks, go with the 60 dollar one and hope it does the trick. I have finally arrived walking around in the mechanic area of Sears covered in dirt, greasy jeans, and sweat soak shirt, conjuring up all the iconic memories of white trash consumers who hovered over this section back in the 70's when it was the only game in town, no online shopping, no Lowe's, no nothing, real Craftsman, made in America, not Mexico, China, or Vietnam, but here in the states, wearing blue jeans, t-shirt with a pack of Marlboro Reds folded under one sleeve, sounds like my uncle or just general mechanic walking in to pick up a part or tool to take back to the shop. Though the twenty something women in their working at one of the counters did not look impressed, the era of the tough rugged do it yourself man had been replaced by the soft unisexual obidient consumer, my window had passed, left to reside in limbo with the rest of the misfits, where did my mojo go?

Who knows, had to muscle the jack out to the car casually taking a wide path away from some elderly white lady who had a look on her face that I might take to assualting her right here in broad daylight or at least take her purse, jeez she was passing in front of my car what was I to do stand on the other side of the street, but there was a time not long ago when that sort of action was mandated, luckily those times have changed even though paranoid behavior has not, either way, have the jack motor back to the van, rip it out of the box like Christmas, look at the instructions, someone got me in the habit of doing that, use to just make whatever I bought work, even though at times I would assemble the product improperly. This time the new proper jack was like magic, effortless, slid right under the axle, turn a screw one direction and after about 20 cranks the wheel was off the ground. A damn miracle did not shout any obscenities, changed the tire, took the flat and got it fixed, finally something damn useful, have to open a mobile tire changing service with the van now. NHL NBA playoffs, Coachella, the weekend is upon us, there is something to do, so go out and do it. I'll hold down the fort, I have had enough fun for a while.