Dreaming Reality

Kicked off the sleeping pills and on the Melatonin, now instead of not dreaming while sleeping, I feel like I stay awake dreaming the entire time. Still feel a bit restless, tough readjusting to everyday life, everyday people whose lives I inhabit like a moon, a satillite that orbits around them, popping in once in a while to catch up on what has taken place while out working on the road. Not that it is very much, yet to try and explain my nature of existence outside this small oasis of Las Vegas can be difficult at best. All the things work involves, locations, people, the minor glory of recognition, does not matter, but even more does not translate to the repetitive nature of most people I come into contact with, mainly at bars, but since cutting down on the drink, there is not too many others to discuss life or any other topics of personal interest.

Caught the workout bug, probably because summer is on the way, have to sport the tan and looks in order to hang out anywhere in town, caught somewhere between having youthful looks and attaining wealth, both are short cuts to getting laid, lacking in both departments sends those unfortunate off to the of land of middle age and a slow transparent dissolve into the anonimity of letting oneself go. At the gym tonight, technology has allowed all of us to create little bubbles to live with, a soundtrack consisting of part motivation, part spite, part hatred, and part fantasy. Been running for the past two hours, have only heard two minutes of conversation in that time. The loud music videos playing overhead don't help, they drowned out any sort of ability to think, develop reason, or turn to another with the intent of striking up a conversation. Thing that sucks now is I have to cut down on the food, already kicked the booze, so that is the other half of the battle, no more appetizing meals, had the last one today, Thai curry, nice way to kick off the yearly pound shedding.

One would have to ask, why it matters anymore at 40, the only thing I can think of is, not too many people feel I look 40, so no need to fight it, squeeze out as many more summer of juvenille behavior as possible, even though this summer will be a first, a drug free summer for the most part, been two weeks so far, booze is the easiest to get a hold of and lately has made feel like crap after a beer or two, my body has been weaning itself from it as for the other stuff, not much of a problem, just avoid the places, people, and overwhelming desire to get high, everything should be fine. A new grand experiment, I the test subject. Meanwhile reality lingers, more focus, more clarity, at about 85 percent right now, not as dillusional, so not going to have too many erratic, spontaneous like writings, it floats out there in space, just have to pull it down. Done for now, have get into the daily habit of posting, so posts might be smaller, writing a analog form book now to self publish, have to avoid complacency put a line in the sand to where I must admit my sanity has returned, no more pushing back in creative dept. So with that thought the words begin here.