When the Medicine Wears Off

Self awareness envelops me like some R-rated horror film antagonist, an entity from which there is no escape, redemption, or bargaining. A creature whose only desire, purpose, and drive revovles around complete assimilation of the young teenage kids attempting to run desperately away from its grasp only to head arms open wide into the fatal final envitable conclusion of death. Not sure if has to do with being off of drugs for a while, working out two times a day, or just finally living amongst the general public for more than a week at a time before rushing off to another gig in some city across the world. Either way the pure crystaline jewel of fright jammed up the arteries near my heart as a vision of absolute conclusion struck the brain like the onset of armageddon was beginning to take place. All at once it seemed everyone was aware of my presence or maybe I happened to be more cognizant of the peripheral landscape than usual while checking out at a local Wal-Mart.

This afternoon had started with more sleep than usual, a good 12 hrs which is rare nowaday, harkening back to a time in college where rest was a multi cocktail swirled together with binge drinking, sex, and drug experiementation, fast forward 20 years and it does not appear that much has changed, however I have not felt this good, this adjusted, or balanced in at least a decade, even adding in all the mini self imposed rehab stints, which got me thinking about the amount of numbness my overall being has endured over the last couple of decades. Is this a mental shift, one from over the top, take it to the streets, excess, excess, excess, drug consuming lunatic, to a more mundane, tranquil, and obvious sub human. Well, I spent the rest of the afternoon along with millions of others in the U.S. on this Labor Day weekend going to a BBQ, watching college football, drinking Coors Light, arguing with other guys about sports, and unconsciously munching down greasy, fat fried, processed snacks. There were plenty of small children running around, jumping into the pool, encouraging the adults to play along, but what happen to be most refreshing happen to be the lack of recreational narcotics floating around the party, unlike the other type of house parties I attend, sans the kids, the youngsters became my personal barrier to shaman channelers, resident dope pimps, and systematic enablers who took a perverse pleasure in watching me piss another unproductive day down the tubes in order to get completely wasted out of my mind, floating around the pool in a plastic innertube, singing Shine on You Crazy Diamond to myself in the dark as the other kids take my presence as some sort of unoffical life guard, conning their parent into letting them swim well past their bed time.

The party ended rather traditionally with the conclusion of the college game as plans were initated to get together for some NFL football games in the future, while continuing to argue about the upcoming season in regards to our favorite teams respectively, no talk of taking LSD or staying out all weekend in nightclubs or spending another months rent at the regional strip clubs. No, tonight, there were kids who had to go to school the next morning, lunches to be packed, and new acquaintences that must prepare for the return to the 9 to 5 grind. Fantastic, light beer, had about 5 tall boys and still feels like I have been drinking water the entire night, enjoyed a prototypical BBQ dinner of beef brisket, pasta salad, and watermelon. It took another fifteen minutes to break free from the cranked up personal insults developing from all the discussion of each others football teams, but at the end of it, handshakes, fistbumps, and goodbyes were exchanged as I headed out the door to navagate my way back home through the speed traps, sobriety check points, and semi-pro drunk drivers in order to return to the familiar terriory near the Las Vegas strip content to sleep another night without pills, binge drinking, or opiates.