Burning Red Eyes

Keep me from seeing properly, fuzzy, out of focus, straining to make sense of anything in my view. Second time this week, I have not gone to bed, luckily it has only been due to work and not drugs, shall probably pull another all nighter in a few days as a result of scheduling. Eating poorly this week has only exacerbated the impending heart condition I have been feeling, that muscle has been overused as of late, processing all sorts of bullshit food, drinks, and stress, why can't I keep these people with self destructive tendencies at bay? Feel like I did alright this time, hid in my room away from beasts of the midnight hour, all the cities seem the same to me. The same bars, same restuarants, same brick buildings, and throngs of tourists milling about, attempting to take in all the notable hotspots without any real sense of purpose.

Have to brush up on my Spanish, heading off to Bogota Columbia for 2 weeks, time to get out of the US again, disconnect, get some of the global effect back in my system while shedding away some of the Las Vegas spiral of death I seem to be in lately, bleeding money from all sides, whether on the road or at home, not much to do but drink, hang around at bars, and go out to dinner, would rather stay in the condo, eat rice, do a bit or writing, yet being out in the world always results in a large amount of usable material. Living surrounded by 4 walls has never really panned out much result beside the slow rising babble of introspective contemplation that grows so obtuse and surreal, a severe case of depression will be soon to follow. Excited about the trip, a little fearful as well, been quite sometime since I have gone out of the country for non work purposes, just have to go with my instinct, has served me well so far.

From the outposts, communications are being recieved on old battlefronts, serving in long ago settled wars, lost in the jungles where the sound of percussive rythmns do not get to the lone survirors who are so far gone into their personal mania an entire new reality has developed to further serve to slow the decades of destructive abuse beset upon their minds, bodies, and souls. So rather than face that tidal wave of pain, denial has been substituted to ensure no minds snap, no arterties bleed, and no souls dissolve. Sounds like a sure fire plan to keep the pleasure channels open and for the likes of these folks nothing else shall take precendence over the innate cumpulsion to get bombed, pan fried, and transcendental, there is nothing other way, means of escape is possible, living on the ship of the damned in reality while floathing around in outer space in a vessel that has long since ran out of fuel, lost all direction, and ever so slowly is being sucked in by the invisible forces of a black hole, time will cease to exist, a never ending dream that becomes a daily soap opera, one the television networks ever cancel, take solace in that idea alone, a true comfort and ultimately carte blanche to destroy without fear of reprisal, the eternal being, words from the next demension, I can't quite hear it, but sense the soft delicate voice playing like a melody in my mind trying to get me to retrieve the image, the character, and the substance of that voice, of the person from where it eminates, to bring them back to the world of the living.