Acceptance

Might as well wear these new clothes to bed, shopping for the upcoming holiday weekend is not something I normally do, even being single does not weight too heavily on the current decision to head to the uber hotel strip shopping mall. 200 bucks in my pocket, premediated, the era of unmanaged physical appearance has come to a close, where one thing is stripped away, something else becomes upgraded, a three dimensional puzzle with dark spaces and overly vibrant elevated plateaus. Walking around the apartment in my new clothes, dressed like your average cool kid about twenty years younger than myself, sporting the same look that was accepted twenty years ago, why does the youth always pickup on the shitty traits of their parents, uncle, aunts, or older co workers, such co workers who symbiotically search out such exchanges in order to relive some of that past where they fill a bit shortchanged, maybe not laid enough, an extreme addiction fresh undamaged physical flesh.

Young teenage girls help me pick out a few outfits, might as well be shopping with my daughter, do I really care about showing up this weekend in some current hipster nature, must or why would my so called artist nature currently being twisted into the guise of a first year fashion designer, overly critical and short on confidence. Already wasted a half an hour walking around the many racks of beach shorts in an attempt to find the right pair to match a light blue striped tank top, common traits now exist, my character shifts into a person, tourist from southern california, semi cool, mention San Diego, then beach cred becomes unquestioned as if born with surfboard in my hands. All I know is the fact I am putting so much effort into this quest for fashion acceptance, can make me only laugh at my attempt, found the proper pair of board shorts, even the hard to impress teenage girls gave me quite positive remarks on my choice, could have been the soft sell, who knows, the board shorts had creases in them, look like they had been slept in for weeks then balled up in a corner to be hung back on a rack hanger months later, throw on a price tag and wait for the next victim.

After purchasing the tank top and shorts, I walked out of the clothing store with a new sense of achievement, another sardine amongst the passing streams of the twenty somethings covered in tattoos, tight clothing, colored hair, and a sense of individuality my apathetic antihero nature refuses to ever buy into no matter how many pieces of metal they put under the surface of their skin, but would any of these cutting edge types, starve themselves for a month, sell all their belongings, go live on the roof of some abandoned warehouse, no. All I see is the passing judgement of life sentences here in this undertow of commerce, the real tragedy is that these people don't care, never have, never will, they know nothing else, the older adults won't stop carousel, they need them to support the economy and healthcare as the baby boomers grow old, the most self absorbed generation of all time who is on the precipes of going on the dole, which is going to turn America into a fourth world nation, but they don't care, I say give them all the free drugs they can handle, incapacitate them, like they are attempting to do to their children, this sick joke makes everyone vomit, very few have the stomach to stand witness of total and complete erosion of American society, ambition, hard work, and passion as obsolete as the relics of the 19th American industrial revolution.

The streams of fish continue to pass through the shopping mall as I head over to a competing clothing store who sells the skater look, I buy a few things and end up in a conversation with another twenty something about the need to buy an improved wardrobe for the summer, long sleeve shirts are out of the question, pants, too damn hot, hoodies, pull overs to the back of the closet, not sure working for minimum wage will foster the latest in So Cal freshness, but that is what theft is for after all, had no doubt those workers at this store found ways to accessorize their backpacks or friends automobile trunk with clothes at a 100 percent discount. During the conversation, I think how I have all this money to buy this shit, even worse following through with my initial impulse to put thought into action, then top if off by having a discussion with this store worker on how the will to adhere to consumer change flowed through my viens like a full blown addict only concerned with continuing on being fixated to this mandate, the omnicient command from the gods, but at least I'll look good doing it.